Cara speme...

A reality check is always a good idea...

The past few weeks were great as far as my vocal progress; my recital seemed to have been a success, opera workshop was moving along splendidly, audition music was good to go, the arias and songs I'm newly looking at started off great. And then...that feeling of "What am I doing here?" comes back...again. In the middle of finals week. Yesterday ended in me feeling rather down about my progress here in comparison to others, in my abilities as a singer, an artist, a performer, in my potential in general. These are unhealthy for a singer, and often begin an emotional roller coaster that has no real clear finish.

The good side though, before you think I'm some emo college kid...

I become more balanced in the end. I work harder to prove to others (and myself) that there is something there. Even though yesterday's practicing wasn't good, I know where I need to improve and what needs to be fixed. It makes my goals for this summer much clearer. I also happened upon a recent issue of Opera News featuring an article about mezzo-soprano Joyce DiDonato and her struggles starting out, even in college. A competition judge once told her she had "nothing to offer as an artist", and she also had many vocal issues as she saw her collegiate colleagues praised and awarded. Few thought she would become much of a singer, and often regarded her as unrefined silver. And now she's one of the top lyric mezzos around. I checked out her website, and the caption of a photo of her and bass-baritone Samuel Ramey talked of how much he inspired her; they're both from Kansas and attended the same university (not at the same time, obviously), and both made it. It is from singers like these that I take inspiration; Birgit Nilsson, Sherrill Milnes, and Bryn Terfel grew up on farms, Samuel Ramey's hometown is smaller than mine, Michelle DeYoung is the daughter of a Michigan minister. People like these singer have to work twice as hard as some others, but because of them, I know that hard work pays in the end...